Larger Than Life
April 16, 2009
Today we had some press set up at the Virgin Mega Store in Cairo. Virgin is one of the sponsors and also where people can buy tickets to our shows, so the promoters set up a meet and greet for us to sign autographs there.
I don’t know how it came up but on the way there, Taylor- a camera guy shooting a documentary, AngeloTsarouchas- one of the other comics, and I were talking boy bands. We mentioned Backstreet Boys vs. Nsync, New Kids On the Block and their newer incarnation as N.K.O.T.B. and, of course, New Edition. I, myself, am still partial to New Edition and all the others were watered down versions of them, in my opinion.
When our van arrived at the mall we were greeted by a cadre of squat, buff security guys in black suits. They ushered us into the mall and up to the Virgin Megastore. Mind you, Ahmed Ahmed and Maz Jobrani, the two other comics on the bill, are big stars in this region of the world and may need security when entering a mall in Cairo. Angelo and I, however, were in no danger of being recognized much less attacked. Not that I didn’t appreciate our crack security but I couldn’t help but laugh as I entered the mall surrounded by these guys straight out of the Matrix. It dawned on me that this is what it must have been like for those boy bands back then, being ushered from one press event to the next, surrounded by security.
We went upstairs to the executive offices of Virgin and did some television interviews with what seemed like their version of Access Hollywood. Then we went downstairs to the store area and, as expected, not many people noticed us or approached us. The Virgin employees were actually the only ones who asked us to pose for pictures. Again, I don’t suspect they knew me or Angelo but their attitude seemed to be “I don’t know who these guys are but it’s better than a typical day around here. I haven’t done jack shit all day and it’s already 4:30. Two more hours and I’m outta here!”
It was pretty funny because, as the day wore on, the security guys must have realized “What the hell are we protecting these guys for?” and they must have left. We entered like rock stars but by the end of the day there we were basically just walking around the store like any other customer. Even the employees seemed to be like “You guys are still here?”
But the shows are tomorrow night at a 2,500 seat venue and apparently they are both close to sold out. Standup comedy is very new so apparently people are clamoring to buy tickets and experience it live. It’s cool to be part of something that is still new and exciting for everyone, but as the Backstreet Boys can tell you, sometimes it can warp your perception of reality. Hopefully, like them, I’ll be able to stay focused, humble and keep my feet on the ground.
All you people can’t you see, can’t you see
How your love’s affecting our reality
Every time we’re down
You can make it right
And that makes you larger than life
I Fought the Law
April 14, 2009
Tonight I went to a private party at someone’s apartment with the other comedians. The consumption of alcohol is forbidden in Kuwait. You can get arrested for selling or drinking alcohol of any kind. But we are hardcore, we know the right people so we could not be stopped. By 9pm I had a Jim Beam and Coke in my hand. By midnight I was still nursing that same Jim Beam and Coke, along with a bottle of water to ease it along.
But that’s not the point; the point is that I had any alcohol at all. I was breaking the law! Do you understand that? Do you understand what kind of chances I was taking?
You’re probably wondering “Were you scared? Did it occur to you you might be arrested?”
“No” and “Who cares?” would be the answers, respectively. When I am looking to party I will not be denied, not by Kuwaiti law, not by my parents and not by anyone else.
People were playing darts, too, which I’m pretty sure is not allowed, either. But this is the life I lead, the life I have chosen or perhaps it chose me. Either way, there’s no turning back now.
My car to the airport arrives in less than two hours but I just ordered room service because I am staying up. That’s right, all nighter. No sleep til Cairo! A cheese omelette is on its way with a fresh glass of mango juice and a cup of coffee. You’re right, none of that is illegal but a brotha has to take a little down time to just chill.
American University of Kuwait
April 13, 2009
Tonight we performed two shows at the American University of Kuwait. I am on the bill with the very funny Maz Jobrani, Ahmed Ahmed and Angelo Tsarouchas. We were all a bit concerned beforehand because we were told that the President of the University as well as the Dean of Students would be in the crowd, which meant no cursing, no sex and no religion jokes.
The following conversation actually took place between the comedians and one of the promoters backstage;
“Can we say ‘shit’?”
“No ‘shit’”.
“C’mon, everybody shits! Why can’t we just say it?”
“No ‘shit’.”
“What about ‘bitch’? Can we say ‘bitch’?”
“I guess you can say ‘bitch’.”
“But definitely no ‘fucks’, right?”
“Nooooo. No ‘fucks’.”
Language isn’t really much of an issue with me but I have topics that some people can find offensive. “Jesus would work the balls” was out immediately, as was my abortion joke. But we were only doing twenty minutes, so it’s not a problem to get through that.
I went out to a crowd of about three hundred Kuwaitis and they were a great crowd. They got everything. I did my Obama stuff, my Bush stuff, my woman president stuff and they loved it. I even did some stuff on Chris Brown and Rihanna and they got that.
As one girl said to me at the meet and greet after the show, “Thank you so much for coming to Kuwait. It means so much to us. People think we don’t exist or that we’re disconnected from the rest of the world but we’re just like everyone else.”
And I said “Do you want me to sign your ticket or not?”
No, it was a great experience and reaffirms the lessons that I took away from Amman, Jordan last November. People are people and so many of my assumptions about the Middle East and its people are false and based on ignorance. It’s really a lack of effort on my part to learn anything about other countries or look beyond the parade of stereotypical images that the news or media in general puts in our faces. I grew up on movies where the bad guys were Arab. Other than Sayid on “Lost” I can’t think of too many regular, fully dimensional characters of Middle Eastern descent on television or film.
It will take time to overcome stereotypes, as it has with other groups. But the election of Barack Hussein Obama embodies a definite shift in perceptions. Sometimes it’s almost laughable to think back to 2001 and then flash forward to the election of Barack Hussein Obama as our forty-fourth President.
Maz and I were talking about how comedy can act as a bridge, too, changing perceptions and broadening peoples’ understanding of one another. I am grateful for the education I am getting and the people I am meeting from around the world. It only reminds me that I have a lot to learn and a long way to go. And it’s great to be able to make people of all races, religions and creeds laugh, even if we can’t say “shit”.
Safat – 04/13/09
April 13, 2009
| Who | Comedy In Kuwait and Cairo |
| When |
Monday, April 13, 2009
8:00pm
-
All Ages
|
| Where |
American University of Kuwait (map)
American University of Kuwait
P.O. Box 3323, Safat 13034, Kuwait Safat, Kuwait 13034 |
| Other Info | I will be performing shows in Kuwait, Cairo and Alexandria April 13-18! |
Easter in Kuwait
April 12, 2009
I arrived safely in Kuwait after a stopover in Cairo for a few hours. I am spending my Easter Sunday relatively close to Jesus’ old ‘hood. I’m keepin’ it real this Easter.
It was quite an interesting trip. In customs they made me open my suitcase to examine my box of CDs and DVDs. It’s a little weird to try to explain the cover photo of my CD/DVD to a Kuwaiti customs agent. If you haven’t seen the cover or heard my prison rape joke, the photo definitely just looks like male porn. A big inmate is holding me from behind, both of us in orange prison jumpsuits, with the title “As Much As You Want” emblazoned above us for comedic effect, which I’m certain was lost on the agents.
“It’s comedy”, I assured them. “I would rape him back. Haha! Comedy!”
“Comedy?” one of them asked.
“Yes… jokes? I’m a comedian. I tell jokes, make people laugh.”
He examined the cover photo, not laughing, and asked “Comedy?”
“Yeah”, I answered, sheepishly.
Thankfully they let me go, I stuffed my merch back into my suitcase and I was on my way.
I walked out of baggage claim, scanning the crowd for someone holding a sign with my name. Alas, I didn’t see anyone. I saw one that said “Donna Concrete” but no “Ted Alexandro”. After about fifteen minutes I texted my contact to see what was up. After another forty minutes I was prepared to try to pass myself off as Donna Concrete.
I was told that someone would be there to pick me up. I knew
nothing beyond that, which looking back was not the best arrangement. I’ve had that happen before, though. When you travel as much as I do, snafus come up frequently and you learn to roll with it and not overreact. That said, it’s a strange feeling being in an airport, feeling conspicuously foreign and not knowing where your ride is or where you’re going. A Carribou Coffee provided an unexpectedly familiar place to kill some time.
Finally my ride, Hassan, arrived, apologized for the mix up and graciously loaded me into his S.U.V. His english was limited so when I made small talk about the weather being hot he turned up the A.C., which was unnecessary because the temperature was fine in the car. But you can’t really say “Turn it back down” after you’ve said the word “hot” to someone who misunderstood and was simply trying to accomodate you.
We drove in silence for a few minutes until he turned on the radio. To my surprise, Biggie Smalls unmistakeable voice came over the speakers “B-i-g, P-o-p-p-a!” I had to laugh as Brooklyn’s own serenaded me in Kuwait.
As we drove I looked up and spotted the moon, big and bright and about three quarters full. Just a few days ago I stood on Ditmars Boulevard in Astoria gazing at the moon through the telescope of a local dude who sets up a few nights a week and lets passersby check out the moon. He simply asks, in a very Queens accent, “Wanna check out da moon?” He’s real knowledgable and spews facts about the solar system, for no other reason than he loves space and astronomy.
Anyway, this Easter Sunday, as I sat in the front seat of an S.U.V. in Kuwait listening to Biggie with a guy named Hassan and looking up at the moon, I thought of that guy on Ditmars Boulevard and of how small the world can seem sometimes.
New York, NY – 04/10/09
April 10, 2009
| When |
Friday, April 10, 2009
7:30pm
-
All Ages
|
| Where |
117 MacDougal Street (bet W3rd and Minetta)
New York, NY |
New York, NY – 04/09/09
April 9, 2009
| When |
Thursday, April 9, 2009
9:00pm
-
All Ages
|
| Where |
117 MacDougal Street (bet W3rd and Minetta)
New York, NY |